Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
as a side note pls kill me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
