why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
