What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
