If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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