I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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