I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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