Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
