We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
