I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
