so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
