I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
