apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A+ Viking dick
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
