i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize