we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Couch. On fire.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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