I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
