I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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