I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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