Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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