it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize