I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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