my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize