I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
