Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
