i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
