I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
