I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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