Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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