Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
