Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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