I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
