marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
