Just fell off a train. Bad.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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