So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
