I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
