my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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