TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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