I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
