hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
