dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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