Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
