I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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