I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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