There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
