don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
