so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
