You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
