Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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