Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
