yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
