And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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