We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
