please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
