He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
