please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
