I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
