VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
