It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
