i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
