Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
