I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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