Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
