Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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