Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
