sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize