she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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