I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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