I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
