you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
