Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
