i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You have to summon your inner elephant
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
