i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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