i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
