dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
