i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
