i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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