he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
