haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
