I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
