dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
