im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
