i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
