But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
