i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
