If i come over, it means nothing
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
