Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
