i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
