Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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